Meanwhile, Rick James
After a prolonged period of mourning, I think as a country we are at a point where we can move past the recent shooting death of the less-than-perfect young rapper XXXtentacion. But his death and the violence surrounding it got me thinking… Violence and drug use have always been an integral part of the American music scene, and the hip-hop community has long used stories of either to give themselves “street cred”. I believe 50 Cent was shot 8 or 9 times, and wears it like a badge of honor. Before Jay Z became the beacon of decency that we all know and love, he used to sling rock in the Marcy Projects in Brooklyn. And perhaps most tragically (I guess), both Tupac and Biggie eventually saw the business end of the guns they rapped about incessantly.
Nowadays, my son will fill me in when Lil’ Yachty gets caught trying to bring a loaded gun onto an airplane, or some other youngster with a face tattoo passes out in a club after drinking too much cough syrup and Sprite. And every time he brings one of these little bastards up, I remind him of a man that all these motherfuckers could never hold a candle to… “The Pride of Buffalo”, Rick Fucking James.
This may sound redundant to some because there are countless and well publicized stories of his drug use, and Dave Chappell gave him a renewed degree of recognition in that now famous comedy skit back in 2004 (RIP Charlie Murphy). But there is one story about Rick that I love the most, and I think the new generation probably doesn’t know it, so I am gonna share it right now.
In 1991, James and his girlfriend abducted a 24 year old woman. They kept her tied to a chair in their North Hollywood home for nearly 2 days. Those 2 days were spent smoking crack, forcing the girlfriend and the hostage to engage in lesbian acts, burning the thighs, back, and pubic region of both women with hot crack pipes, and having his girlfriend urinate on the burn wounds of their prisoner-of-love.
Allegedly, her abduction came after James caught this broad trying to steal just under an ounce of cocaine from him, which I “heard” is a fair amount of cocaine to steal. But, come on, Rick… Maybe a slap on the wrist was in order. Not a multiple crack pipe burn to the inner thigh, followed by a piss bath after forced lesbian acts.
Is it even possible to force Lesbian acts? I mean, wouldn’t it be glaringly obvious if one or possibly both of the participants were doing it under duress? Or maybe that was the draw. I am at a point in my life where I could beat off to a sunset, but maybe after smoking enough crack, the only thing that could get Rick James hard was the sight of the woman he loved being diddled by a terrified detainee.
And I say “woman he loved” because James actually petitioned the court during his trial for these actions for a postponement so he could marry the accomplice in the abduction. The judge said, “Fuck no.” but they did eventually get married and have a kid together years later. Actually, they had a kid together, and THEN got married years later… Because if you don’t mind kidnapping, then you certainly don’t mind the whole born-out-of-wedlock thing.
Think about that… They got married.
My wife and I will sometimes reminisce about some of the crazier times we had early on in our relationship. Like the time where we both got high and robbed a candy store. Rick and his wife can someday hit the rocking chairs on the porch outside of the Cracker Barrel and fondly look back at the time they pissed on a girl they kidnapped. Hopefully with “Memories” by Barbara Streisand playing wistfully in the background.
That whole scenario makes Rick so much more than just a freak. I am blanking on the word to describe someone that much more than just a freak, but I can tell you one thing- Whatever type of freak Rick James was, it was the type you don’t bring home to mother. I guess the only positive is that he will never let your spirits down… Once you get him off the streets, obviously.
Take a report.
-Large
The title of this piece, “Meanwhile, Rick James”, is also the title of a song by Cake that I like to listen to whilst I do drugs on my back deck with my wife. It’s what the kids call a “banger”, I suppose. The chorus goes “Meanwhile Rick James takes her nude. And there’s nothing I can do.”, and every time I hear that line, I giggle.